Hadi Wijaya
The discourse surrounding the "childfree" lifestyle in Indonesia has reached a new peak of public intensity following controversial remarks by social media influencer and YouTuber Gita Savitri Devi, popularly known as Gitasav. Her assertion that remaining childless is a "natural anti-aging" remedy and that children represent a significant financial and psychological burden has sparked a nationwide debate, drawing responses from various sectors of society. Among the most prominent voices offering a counter-narrative is Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru, a professional business coach known as Coach Wulan. At 48 years old, Wulan serves as a living antithesis to the childfree argument, balancing a high-octane career with the upbringing of ten children, ranging in age from one to 18 years old. Her perspective offers a blend of practical time management, religious conviction, and a challenge to modern feminist interpretations of autonomy.
The controversy began when Gitasav, an Indonesian influencer based in Germany, responded to a compliment about her youthful appearance by attributing it to her decision not to have children. She argued that the absence of parental stress allows for better sleep and more disposable income for cosmetic procedures, effectively framing motherhood as a detriment to a woman’s physical and mental well-being. This sentiment resonated with a segment of the millennial and Gen Z population but faced immediate backlash from those who view the childfree movement as being at odds with Indonesian cultural and religious norms. Coach Wulan’s intervention into this debate is particularly significant because she does not speak from a purely theoretical standpoint, but from the lived experience of managing a massive household while maintaining a prominent role in the Indonesian business community.
The Profile of Coach Wulan: Balancing Ten Children and a Career
Coach Wulan’s lifestyle defies the conventional wisdom that a large family necessitates the abandonment of professional ambitions. Speaking in Yogyakarta, she revealed that despite having ten children, she remains intensely active in various business ventures and organizational leadership roles. Notably, she disclosed that she manages her household without the assistance of domestic helpers, a detail that has surprised many given the logistical complexity of caring for a one-year-old alongside nine other children of varying ages. Wulan’s daily routine is a testament to her belief that the capacity of a woman is not diminished by motherhood but is instead refined through the demands of domestic and professional management.
Her involvement in prestigious organizations such as the Association of Indonesian Muslim Intellectuals (ICMI), the Indonesian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (Kadin), and the Sharia Economic Society (MES) of the Special Region of Yogyakarta (DIY) underscores her status as a high-achiever. Wulan argues that the presence of children does not limit a woman’s ability to develop her intellectual capacity or her career trajectory. On the contrary, she views her children as a source of emotional stability and motivation. "For me, children can be a cooler of the heart in all situations," she stated, invoking the traditional Indonesian adage "banyak anak, banyak rejeki" (many children, many blessings), while adding her own layers of "many joys" and "many who pray for you."
A Chronology of the Childfree Debate in Indonesia
The tension between traditional family values and the burgeoning childfree movement in Indonesia has been simmering for several years, but the 2023 flare-up marked a turning point in the visibility of the issue. In 2021, Gitasav first publicly declared her decision to be childfree, which at the time prompted a moderate wave of discussion regarding reproductive rights. However, her more recent comments in early February 2023, which specifically labeled children as a "burden," catalyzed a much more aggressive public response.
Within days of her viral comments, various public figures, including celebrities, religious leaders, and health experts, weighed in. The National Population and Family Planning Board (BKKBN) also entered the fray, with officials emphasizing that while the choice to have children is personal, the state encourages healthy family planning to ensure the nation’s future demographic dividend. Coach Wulan’s response on February 11, 2023, arrived at the height of this media storm, providing a voice for those who believe that the childfree narrative ignores the spiritual and communal rewards of parenting.
Theological Foundations: Motherhood in the Islamic Perspective
Central to Coach Wulan’s rebuttal is the Islamic view of the mother’s role, which she describes as one of the most noble positions a human can hold. She referenced a well-known Hadith in which the Prophet Muhammad emphasized the importance of the mother three times over the father. This theological framework serves to recontextualize the "struggle" of motherhood—which Gitasav views as a deterrent—as a form of spiritual merit and social honor.
Wulan explained that the repetition of "your mother" in the prophetic tradition recognizes the immense physical and mental sacrifices inherent in pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. In Islamic jurisprudence, a woman who passes away during childbirth is often accorded the status of a martyr (jihad), reflecting the gravity and sanctity of the act. By framing motherhood through this lens, Wulan seeks to shift the conversation from one of "loss of self" to one of "attainment of grace." She argues that the modern feminist critique of motherhood often overlooks the inherent dignity and empowerment found in fulfilling these traditional roles when they are grounded in faith.
Economic Implications and the Concept of Sustenance
One of the primary drivers of the childfree movement is economic anxiety. Proponents often cite the rising costs of education, healthcare, and general living expenses as a rational basis for opting out of parenthood. Coach Wulan, however, challenges the notion that children are a financial burden. Her perspective is rooted in the concept of rizq (divine providence), the belief that every soul brought into the world is accompanied by its own guaranteed sustenance from God.
While this view is metaphysical, it has practical implications for how families manage their resources. Wulan suggests that the fear of financial ruin due to children is often a result of a lack of faith and a misunderstanding of how "wealth" is defined. From her perspective, the human capital and spiritual blessings brought by a large family outweigh the line-item expenses found in a household budget. This stance serves as a direct counter to the materialistic metrics often used by influencers to justify a childfree life.
Media Literacy and the Influence on Millennial Values
A significant portion of Coach Wulan’s critique was directed at the way young people consume social media content. She warned the millennial and Gen Z generations to be more discerning and not to accept the opinions of influencers "raw" or without critical evaluation. Wulan pointed out that values regarding what is considered "good" or "bad" in life are typically absorbed from family, religion, the environment, and the media.
She expressed concern that if influencers become the primary source of moral and lifestyle guidance, young people may drift away from the foundational values of their culture and faith. Wulan advocated for a return to the Quran and Hadith as the ultimate barometers for decision-making. "If young people’s obsession is directed toward the afterlife and their value is obedience, then if the source is the Quran and Hadith, God willing, their path will be smooth," she noted. This call for media literacy is a response to the perceived "echo chamber" effect of social media, where radical lifestyle shifts can be normalized without considering their long-term societal impacts.
Broader Societal Impact and Demographic Concerns
The debate between the childfree movement and traditionalists like Coach Wulan takes place against a backdrop of shifting demographics in Indonesia. While the country is not yet facing the "demographic collapse" seen in nations like Japan or South Korea, the total fertility rate (TFR) has been steadily declining. According to data from the World Bank and the Indonesian Central Bureau of Statistics (BPS), the TFR dropped from approximately 5.6 in the 1970s to around 2.1 in recent years.
While the BKKBN promotes the "two children are enough" (Dua Anak Cukup) policy to ensure quality of life, the rise of an "anti-natalist" or "childfree" sentiment presents a different challenge. Sociologists argue that if a significant portion of the productive-age population chooses to remain childless, it could eventually lead to an inverted population pyramid, placing an immense burden on the state to care for an aging population without a sufficient youth workforce to support the economy.
Coach Wulan’s advocacy for large families, while extreme to some, highlights a cultural resistance to the Western-style individualism that often accompanies the childfree choice. Her message to women is one of self-actualization through multiple roles: "Being a mother and a wife will not prevent women from increasing their value."
Conclusion: A Conflict of Worldviews
The clash between Gitasav’s childfree advocacy and Coach Wulan’s defense of motherhood represents a fundamental conflict of worldviews in contemporary Indonesia. On one side is a secular, individualistic approach that prioritizes personal autonomy, physical aesthetics, and financial freedom. On the other is a communal, faith-based approach that views sacrifice as a path to spiritual and social fulfillment.
Coach Wulan’s story serves as a powerful narrative for those who believe that modern women can "have it all"—not by rejecting traditional roles, but by integrating them into a broader life of service, business, and faith. As the debate continues, it is clear that the role of the family remains a central pillar of Indonesian identity, even as it faces new pressures from the digital age. Wulan’s parting advice to women is to never stop learning and never limit their own potential, suggesting that the true "burden" is not the presence of children, but the limiting beliefs that prevent individuals from reaching their full capacity in service to both their families and society.
