Hadi Wijaya
The discourse surrounding the "childfree" lifestyle has recently surged to the forefront of Indonesian public conversation, sparked by controversial statements from social media influencer and YouTuber Gita Savitri Devi, popularly known as Gitasav. While the influencer’s assertion that remaining childless is a "natural anti-aging" remedy and a way to reduce life’s burdens resonated with some urban demographics, it has met significant resistance from various sectors of Indonesian society. Among the most prominent voices offering a counter-narrative is Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru, a respected business coach and community leader better known as Coach Wulan. At 48 years old, Coach Wulan provides a lived experience that directly contradicts the notion that children are a hindrance to personal growth, professional success, or physical well-being. As a mother of ten children who continues to maintain a high-profile professional life without domestic assistance, her perspective offers a profound look into the intersection of faith, family, and modern female empowerment.
The Living Counter-Narrative: Ten Children and a Thriving Career
Coach Wulan’s life serves as a practical rebuttal to the claim that motherhood necessitates the abandonment of one’s ambitions. Currently approaching her fifties, Wulan manages a household of ten children, whose ages range from a one-year-old toddler to an eighteen-year-old young adult. Her ability to balance these responsibilities is particularly notable because she operates without the help of domestic workers, a rarity for many professional families in Indonesia’s upper-middle class. Speaking in Yogyakarta, Wulan emphasized that her large family has never been an obstacle to her intellectual or professional development.
"I have 10 children, and I am still active in business, various organizations, and numerous activities. I also do not have a maid," Wulan stated, highlighting that her capacity to contribute to society remains undiminished. Her professional portfolio is extensive; she is an active member of the Indonesian Association of Muslim Intellectuals (ICMI), the Indonesian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (Kadin), and the Sharia Economic Society (MES) of the Special Region of Yogyakarta. These roles require significant time, strategic thinking, and public engagement—attributes that the childfree narrative often suggests are difficult to maintain alongside the demands of child-rearing.
The Theological Foundation: Sustenance and the Role of the Mother
Central to Coach Wulan’s perspective is a deeply rooted Islamic worldview. In response to the argument that children represent a financial and emotional burden, she points to the concept of rizq (divine sustenance). In Islamic theology, it is believed that every living soul brought into the world has its provision guaranteed by Allah SWT. This belief shifts the focus from a scarcity mindset—where children are seen as consumers of limited resources—to an abundance mindset, where children are viewed as conduits for divine blessing.
"For me, children can be a cooler for the heart in all situations. I believe more in the principle that many children bring many blessings, much happiness, and many people to pray for you," Wulan remarked. This sentiment reflects a traditional Indonesian proverb, "Banyak anak, banyak rejeki" (Many children, many fortunes), which Wulan argues is not merely an old-fashioned saying but a spiritual reality.
Furthermore, she addressed the feminist undertones often associated with the childfree movement. Wulan asserted that Islam holds motherhood in the highest possible regard, citing the famous Hadith where the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) instructed a companion to honor his mother three times before mentioning his father. This elevation of the mother is not merely symbolic but is a recognition of the immense physical, emotional, and spiritual labor involved in the maternal journey. Wulan explained that the Prophet’s emphasis on the mother reflects a deep understanding of the "jihad" (struggle) involved in pregnancy, the life-threatening risks of childbirth—which is likened to martyrdom if a mother passes away—and the taxing nature of breastfeeding.
Contextualizing the Childfree Debate in Indonesia
The controversy that Coach Wulan is responding to began when Gita Savitri Devi responded to a comment on social media regarding her youthful appearance. Gitasav attributed her looks to the fact that she does not have children, which allows her to sleep more, experience less stress, and afford expensive skincare. This sparked an immediate backlash in Indonesia, a country where family remains the central pillar of social structure.
Statistically, Indonesia is experiencing a transition. According to data from the Statistics Indonesia (BPS), the Total Fertility Rate (TFR) in Indonesia has seen a steady decline over the decades, dropping from 5.6 in the 1970s to around 2.1 in 2022. While this decline is largely attributed to successful family planning programs and increased education for women, the emergence of a voluntary "childfree" movement represents a new cultural shift. For many, this shift is seen as an import of Western individualistic values that may clash with the collective and spiritual values of Indonesian society.
Coach Wulan’s intervention is significant because it moves the debate beyond simple demographics. She argues that the "childfree" trend is often fueled by a lack of spiritual grounding and an over-reliance on the opinions of social media influencers. She warned the millennial and Gen Z generations to be more discerning in the content they consume.
The Influence of Digital Media and the Importance of Values
In an era where influencers hold significant sway over the life choices of young people, Coach Wulan’s advice focuses on the source of one’s values. She noted that perceptions of what is "good" or "bad" are shaped by family, religion, environment, and media. However, she argued that for Muslims, the ultimate barometer should be the Al-Qur’an and the Hadith.
"If young people begin to orient their obsession toward the afterlife and their value toward obedience, and if their sources are the Al-Qur’an and Hadith, God willing, their path will be smooth," she said. This perspective suggests that the anxiety surrounding parenthood—often cited as a reason for choosing a childfree life—can be mitigated by a shift in focus from worldly pressures to spiritual fulfillment.
Wulan emphasized the critical role of the family in instilling these values. By creating a strong internal value system, families can help the younger generation navigate external influences that may contradict their religious or cultural heritage. She urged women not to limit themselves, stating that being a wife and a mother is not a ceiling but rather a platform for increasing one’s value and impact on the world.
Socio-Economic Implications and the Demographic Dividend
From an analytical standpoint, the debate between the childfree lifestyle and the pro-family stance represented by figures like Coach Wulan has broader implications for Indonesia’s future. Indonesia is currently striving to maximize its "demographic dividend"—a period where the productive-age population outnumbers the non-productive population. A widespread shift toward childfree living could, in the long term, lead to an aging population crisis similar to those faced by Japan, South Korea, and several European nations.
Furthermore, Coach Wulan’s involvement in organizations like Kadin and the Sharia Economic Society (MES) highlights the economic contribution of mothers. Her life demonstrates that the "maternal wall"—the professional bias against mothers—can be dismantled through personal resilience and a supportive community framework. By remaining active in business and organizational leadership, she proves that motherhood can coexist with economic productivity, challenging the economic argument that children are a net loss to a woman’s career trajectory.
Conclusion: A Call for Balanced Empowerment
The narrative provided by Coach Wulan offers a synthesis of traditional religious values and modern female agency. She does not advocate for women to stay only within the domestic sphere; rather, she encourages them to "continue learning" and "not limit themselves." Her message is one of empowerment through the embrace of responsibility, rather than the avoidance of it.
As the childfree debate continues to evolve in the digital space, the story of Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru stands as a testament to the possibility of a multi-faceted life. It serves as a reminder that for many in Indonesia, the presence of children is not viewed as a "burden" to be avoided for the sake of aesthetics or leisure, but as a source of strength, a spiritual duty, and a catalyst for personal and professional excellence. In the face of changing social tides, Wulan’s life remains a steadfast example of the belief that family and ambition are not mutually exclusive, but are instead complementary elements of a fulfilled life.
