Hadi Wijaya
The global discourse surrounding the "childfree" lifestyle has reached a fever pitch in Indonesia, sparked primarily by polarizing statements from social media influencers that frame parenthood as a deterrent to personal well-being and aesthetic longevity. Among the most vocal critics of this narrative is Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru, a prominent business coach and community leader better known as Coach Wulan. At 48 years old, Wulan has emerged as a counter-example to the claim that children are a "burden," sharing her experience as a mother of ten who continues to lead a prolific professional and organizational life. Her stance serves as a significant contribution to a broader national debate concerning the intersection of feminism, religious values, and the future of the Indonesian family structure.
The controversy began to escalate in early February 2023, when influencer Gita Savitri Devi, based in Germany, suggested to her followers that not having children is a "natural anti-aging" remedy, citing the absence of stress related to child-rearing and the ability to maintain a consistent sleep schedule. This comment ignited a firestorm across Indonesian social media platforms, prompting responses from medical professionals, religious leaders, and public figures. Coach Wulan’s intervention provides a unique perspective, combining the practicalities of modern business management with deeply rooted spiritual convictions.
The Reality of a Large Family in a Modern Professional Context
Coach Wulan’s life stands in stark contrast to the modern minimalist family ideal. With ten children ranging in age from one to 18 years old, she manages a household that many would consider overwhelming. However, Wulan maintains that her parental responsibilities have never served as a ceiling for her intellectual or professional growth. Speaking in Yogyakarta, she highlighted that she remains active in various high-level organizations, including the Indonesian Association of Muslim Intellectuals (ICMI), the Indonesian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (Kadin), and the Sharia Economic Society (MES) of the Special Region of Yogyakarta.
Perhaps most striking is Wulan’s revelation that she manages her household and professional obligations without the assistance of domestic helpers. In a country where middle-class families frequently rely on live-in nannies or maids, Wulan’s approach emphasizes self-reliance and integrated family management. "I have ten children and am still active in business, organizations, and various activities. I do not have a helper," she stated, challenging the notion that a large family necessitates a total withdrawal from public life or an impossible financial drain.
From Wulan’s perspective, children are not a source of stress but a "penyejuk hati" or a "soother of the heart" in all situations. She advocates for the traditional Indonesian adage "banyak anak, banyak rejeki" (many children, many blessings), but updates it for the modern era by linking it to the concept of spiritual and emotional abundance. She argues that the presence of children provides a support system of prayers and happiness that outweighs the physical and logistical challenges of raising them.
Analyzing the Childfree Trend and Demographic Shifts
The debate prompted by Coach Wulan and Gita Savitri comes at a time when Indonesia is observing a gradual shift in demographic trends. According to data from the Statistics Indonesia (BPS), the Total Fertility Rate (TFR) in Indonesia has seen a significant decline over the decades, dropping from 5.6 in the early 1970s to approximately 2.1 in recent years. While this decline is largely attributed to successful family planning programs and increased access to education for women, the emergence of the "childfree" movement represents a new cultural shift driven by individualistic lifestyle choices rather than state policy.
Sociologists note that the childfree movement is often rooted in concerns over financial stability, environmental impact, and the desire for personal autonomy. However, Wulan challenges the financial argument by leaning on the Islamic theological principle that every soul born into the world has its sustenance (rizq) guaranteed by the Creator. This perspective shifts the focus from a purely economic calculation to one of faith and resourcefulness. For Wulan and many who share her view, the "burden" is not the child itself, but rather a mindset that views human life through a lens of scarcity rather than opportunity.
Religious Perspectives on Motherhood and Feminism
A core component of the discourse involves the reinterpretation of feminist ideals within an Islamic framework. While some proponents of the childfree lifestyle frame it as an act of bodily autonomy and feminist liberation, Wulan points to the high status accorded to mothers in Islamic tradition as the ultimate form of empowerment. She referenced a well-known Hadith where the Prophet Muhammad emphasized that a mother deserves three times more honor and respect than a father.
"Why is ‘your mother’ mentioned three times? Because the Prophet truly understood that being a mother is a struggle," Wulan explained. She detailed the physical and mental tolls of pregnancy, the life-threatening risks of childbirth—which is likened to jihad (a noble struggle) in Islamic jurisprudence—and the ongoing sacrifices of breastfeeding and nurturing. In this view, these challenges are not "burdens" to be avoided, but sacred rites of passage that elevate a woman’s spiritual and social standing.
Wulan’s critique of the childfree campaign also touches on the influence of Western-centric feminism on Indonesian youth. She cautioned the millennial and Gen Z generations against adopting influencer ideologies without critical reflection. According to Wulan, the values of "good" and "bad" are often filtered through media and social environments, but for the Muslim community, the Quran and Hadith should remain the primary barometers for lifestyle choices.
The Role of the Family in Shielding Against External Influences
As social media continues to blur geographical and cultural boundaries, the role of the family unit in value-setting has become a point of concern for community leaders. Coach Wulan emphasized that the family is the first line of defense against ideologies that may conflict with religious and national values. She urged parents to be proactive in instilling a sense of "taat" (obedience to divine will) and an orientation toward the "akhirat" (the afterlife) in their children.
"If the obsession of young people is directed toward the afterlife and their value is obedience, and if the source is the Quran and Hadith, God willing, their path will be smooth," she said. This approach suggests that the "childfree" debate is merely a symptom of a larger shift in the foundational values of the youth. By reinforcing traditional family structures and religious education, Wulan believes society can withstand the pressures of modern trends that prioritize individual comfort over communal and spiritual growth.
Broader Implications for Indonesian Society
The dialogue between the "childfree" advocates and proponents of large families like Coach Wulan has significant implications for Indonesia’s future. Economically, Indonesia is currently banking on its "demographic dividend"—a period where the working-age population outnumbers dependents. A widespread adoption of childfree lifestyles could eventually lead to an aging population crisis similar to those faced by Japan, South Korea, and several European nations, potentially stifling economic growth and straining social security systems.
Socially, the debate highlights a growing rift between urban, globally-connected Indonesians and those who adhere to traditional, faith-based communal values. While the childfree choice remains a minority position in Indonesia, its visibility on social media platforms like Instagram and YouTube ensures that it remains a potent topic of conversation, forcing a re-evaluation of what it means to be a modern Indonesian woman.
Coach Wulan’s final message to women is one of continuous self-improvement and refusal to be pigeonholed. She asserts that being a wife and a mother is not an obstacle to personal development but can actually be a catalyst for it. By managing a household of ten while navigating the complexities of business coaching and organizational leadership, she aims to prove that a woman’s value is not diminished by her domestic roles, but rather enhanced by her ability to balance multiple spheres of influence.
As the "childfree" debate continues to evolve, the testimony of individuals like Coach Wulan provides a counter-narrative that celebrates the traditional family unit as a viable and fulfilling path in the 21st century. Her life serves as a practical rebuttal to the notion that children are a barrier to success, offering instead a vision of motherhood that is synonymous with resilience, empowerment, and spiritual fulfillment. In the face of changing social tides, the conversation remains centered on a fundamental question: whether the measure of a successful life is found in the freedom from responsibility, or in the depth of the legacy one leaves behind through the next generation.
