Hadi Wijaya
The discourse surrounding the "childfree" lifestyle has reached a fever pitch in Indonesia, sparked by polarizing statements from social media influencer and YouTuber Gita Savitri Devi, commonly known as Gitasav. While the influencer’s assertion that remaining childless is a "natural anti-aging" remedy and that children represent a significant life burden went viral, it has met with stiff resistance from various sectors of Indonesian society. Among the most vocal critics is Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru, a prominent business coach from Yogyakarta known professionally as Coach Wulan. At 48 years old, Wulan offers a lived experience that directly contradicts the narrative that motherhood necessitates the sacrifice of one’s personal development, career, or youthful vitality.
Coach Wulan, who is currently raising ten children ranging in age from one to 18 years old, maintains a rigorous professional schedule and remains deeply involved in various high-level organizations. Her lifestyle serves as a domestic and professional case study that challenges the contemporary notion that large families are incompatible with modern female empowerment. Speaking in Yogyakarta, Wulan emphasized that her decision to raise a large family has not hindered her capacity to grow as an intellectual or a professional. On the contrary, she views her children as a source of motivation and spiritual fulfillment rather than a logistical or financial drain.
The Genesis of the Childfree Debate in Indonesia
The controversy began when Gitasav, an Indonesian influencer based in Germany, responded to a comment on her Instagram account praising her youthful appearance. She attributed her looks to not having children, suggesting that the absence of parental stress allowed for better sleep and fewer wrinkles. Her comments quickly transcended a simple beauty tip, evolving into a broader ideological statement about the "burden" of child-rearing. This sparked a nationwide debate in Indonesia, a country where family-centric values are deeply rooted in both cultural traditions and religious doctrines.
For many, Gitasav’s comments were seen as an endorsement of the "childfree" movement—a choice to not have children for personal, environmental, or financial reasons. While the movement has gained traction in Western Europe and East Asian nations like South Korea and Japan, it remains a contentious topic in Indonesia. Critics argue that such views undermine the social fabric of the nation, while supporters defend it as a matter of individual bodily autonomy and reproductive rights.
Coach Wulan’s intervention into this debate provides a counter-narrative grounded in the practical realities of a multi-child household. "I have 10 children, and I am still active in business, various organizations, and numerous activities. I do all of this without the help of a domestic worker," Wulan stated, highlighting a level of self-sufficiency that many modern parents find daunting. Her perspective suggests that the "burden" of children is a matter of perception and management rather than an inherent fact of biology.
Balancing Motherhood and Professional Excellence
A significant portion of the childfree argument rests on the "motherhood penalty"—the idea that women’s careers suffer significantly after having children. However, Wulan’s professional resume suggests otherwise. She remains an active member of the Association of Indonesian Muslim Intellectuals (ICMI), the Indonesian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (Kadin), and the Islamic Economic Society (MES) of the Special Region of Yogyakarta. These roles require significant time, intellectual engagement, and networking, yet Wulan manages them alongside the demands of a ten-child household.
According to Wulan, the presence of children does not limit a woman’s ability to expand her knowledge or advance her career. She posits that the skills required to manage a large family—such as time management, conflict resolution, and financial planning—are directly transferable to the business world. In her view, the "limitations" often cited by childfree advocates are often self-imposed or products of a societal narrative that undervalues the multi-tasking capabilities of mothers.
Furthermore, Wulan addressed the financial anxieties that often drive the childfree choice. In an era of rising inflation and the high cost of education, many millennials view children as a financial liability. Wulan countered this by invoking a spiritual principle central to her faith: the belief that every soul born into the world has its "rezeki" (sustenance or fortune) guaranteed by God. "For me, children are a cooler for the heart in all situations. I believe in the philosophy that many children bring many fortunes, much happiness, and many who pray for you," she remarked.
The Theological and Feminine Perspective in Islam
The debate over child-rearing often intersects with various interpretations of feminism. Wulan’s stance is rooted in an Islamic framework that she argues provides a more elevated status for women than modern secular movements might suggest. She referenced a well-known Hadith where the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasized the honor due to a mother, stating she should be respected three times more than a father.
Wulan explained the theological significance of this emphasis, noting that the triple mention of "your mother" acknowledges the profound physical and mental sacrifices inherent in motherhood. "The Prophet truly understood that being a mother is full of struggle. The hardship of pregnancy, the labor of childbirth—which is equated to jihad if a woman passes away during the process—and the physical and mental pain of breastfeeding are all recognized as acts of high spiritual merit," she said.
From this perspective, the "burden" of motherhood is recontextualized as a noble sacrifice that leads to both worldly respect and spiritual reward. Wulan argued that modern campaigns portraying motherhood in a purely negative light often fail to account for the intrinsic value and social dignity that traditional structures afford to mothers.
Demographic Context and National Implications
The discussion surrounding childfree lifestyles in Indonesia is occurring against a backdrop of shifting demographics. According to data from the National Population and Family Planning Board (BKKBN), Indonesia’s Total Fertility Rate (TFR) has seen a steady decline over the decades, currently hovering around 2.1—the replacement level. While this is seen as a success for population control programs, the rise of the childfree sentiment among the urban middle class has raised concerns about a potential "demographic winter" similar to that facing East Asian neighbors.
In countries like Japan and South Korea, where childfree choices and late marriages have become the norm, the resulting aging population has created severe economic pressures, including labor shortages and a strained pension system. Indonesian policymakers are wary of this trend, viewing a healthy birth rate as essential for the "Demographic Bonus" the country hopes to leverage for its "Indonesia Gold 2045" vision.
Analysts suggest that while individual choices like those of Gitasav are protected under the umbrella of personal freedom, the aggregate effect of such a shift could have profound implications for Indonesia’s future economic stability. Coach Wulan’s advocacy for large families, therefore, aligns with a pro-natalist sentiment that views human capital as the nation’s greatest resource.
Navigating the Influence of Social Media on Millennials
One of Wulan’s primary concerns is the influence of digital personalities on the values of the younger generation. She urged millennials and Gen Z to be more discerning when consuming content from influencers. In the digital age, where "lifestyle aesthetics" can often mask the complexities of reality, Wulan warned against accepting the views of influencers without critical reflection.
"Young people must be wise in following the opinions of influencers and not accept their views raw," she cautioned. She explained that a person’s value system—their understanding of what is good or bad—is typically shaped by four pillars: family, religion, environment, and media. With media (and specifically social media) now playing a disproportionate role, Wulan argued that the other three pillars must be strengthened to provide a balanced perspective.
She proposed that if the Quran and Hadith are used as the primary compass for life, individuals will find a path that balances both worldly success and spiritual well-being. "If young people start directing their obsession toward the afterlife and their value toward obedience to God, then using the Quran and Hadith as a source will make their path smooth," she stated.
Conclusion: A Call for Lifelong Learning
Coach Wulan’s message to Indonesian women is one of empowerment through multifaceted roles. She argues that being a wife and a mother does not mark the end of a woman’s personal journey or her value to society. Instead, she views these roles as catalysts for growth. Her parting advice to women was to never stop learning and to refuse to let domestic roles limit their potential.
The clash between the childfree narrative championed by figures like Gitasav and the traditional, faith-based approach represented by Coach Wulan highlights a significant cultural rift in contemporary Indonesia. As the nation continues to modernize, the dialogue between individual autonomy and communal/religious responsibilities remains a central theme in the evolving story of the Indonesian family. For now, Wulan stands as a testament to the possibility of a "third way"—one where a woman can navigate the demands of a large family and a thriving career without viewing either as a burden.
