Hadi Wijaya
The decision to remain childfree, a conscious choice to not have biological or adopted children, has emerged as a significant topic of discourse within Indonesian society, prompted by shifting cultural paradigms and evolving psychological insights. Family psychologist Nuzulia Rahma Tristinarum, a prominent practitioner and counselor, recently provided an in-depth analysis of the underlying motivations that lead individuals or couples to opt for this lifestyle. According to Tristinarum, the decision to live childfree is rarely a spontaneous whim; rather, it is frequently rooted in a complex interplay of conscious reasoning and subconscious psychological drivers. These factors range from deeply ingrained childhood traumas to the pragmatic realities of modern economic pressures and the influence of contemporary social trends.
In an era where traditional family structures are being re-evaluated, Tristinarum—often referred to as Lia—emphasizes that a person’s perception of parenthood is often a mirror of their own upbringing. When an individual decides to forego children, they are often responding to internal narratives shaped long before they reached adulthood. These narratives can be so powerful that they dictate life choices without the individual fully realizing the source of their conviction. By examining these motivations through a clinical lens, experts aim to provide a clearer understanding of why the "childfree" movement is gaining traction in a country that has historically placed a high premium on large, multi-generational families.
The Role of Adverse Childhood Experiences and Unresolved Trauma
One of the most profound catalysts for the childfree decision is the presence of unresolved trauma or Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Tristinarum points to specific case studies where childhood neglect has left an indelible mark on an individual’s psyche. In many instances, children who were emotionally or physically abandoned by their parents and left in the care of abusive guardians develop a defensive mechanism against the concept of child-rearing.
Lia describes a scenario where a child, frequently left with a nanny who utilized corporal punishment, verbal abuse, and strict authoritarianism, grows up with a distorted view of the parent-child bond. For such individuals, the act of bringing a child into the world is viewed not as a joy, but as a risk of repeating a cycle of suffering. The logic becomes a protective measure: "It is better to have no children than to have a child and fail to protect or provide for them." This perception is often framed as an act of responsibility toward the "soul" of a hypothetical child, rooted in a desire to prevent further generational trauma.
Psychologically, this is often linked to the "inner child" seeking safety. If the individual still carries the wounds of being "unwanted" or "mistreated," the prospect of parenthood can trigger intense anxiety or a resurgence of past pain. For these individuals, choosing a childfree life is a form of self-preservation and a way to break a cycle of dysfunctional parenting that they believe they are not yet equipped to heal.
Shifting Values and the Influence of the Global Environment
Beyond individual psychology, the macro-environment plays a pivotal role in shaping reproductive choices. The influx of global values through digital media has introduced Indonesian youth to different life philosophies that prioritize individual autonomy, career fulfillment, and environmental sustainability over traditional milestones.
The "value" system of the modern generation is increasingly centered on self-actualization. In previous decades, the success of a marriage was often measured by the number of offspring; however, contemporary couples are more likely to define success through professional achievements, travel, and personal peace. This shift is not occurring in a vacuum. It is heavily influenced by the global "childfree" movement, which has been popularized by public figures and influencers who openly discuss the benefits of a life without children.
Environmental concerns also enter the equation. Some individuals cite the "carbon footprint" of a new human life and the depletion of global resources as ethical reasons to abstain from procreation. While this remains a niche argument in the Indonesian context compared to Western nations, it is increasingly part of the conversation among the urban, educated middle class.
Economic Constraints and the Reality of the Sandwich Generation
Economic stability remains one of the most practical and frequently cited reasons for the childfree choice. Tristinarum notes that many young adults in Indonesia currently find themselves as part of the "Sandwich Generation"—individuals who are financially responsible for both their aging parents and their own households. For these individuals, the prospect of adding the immense financial burden of a child is often viewed as an impossibility.
The cost of living in major Indonesian urban centers like Jakarta, Surabaya, and Bandung has risen significantly, particularly in sectors such as high-quality education and healthcare. Data from various financial institutions suggest that the cost of raising a child from birth through university can reach billions of rupiah. For a young professional who is already the primary "tulang punggung" (backbone) for their extended family, the decision to remain childfree is often a calculated financial survival strategy.
Furthermore, Tristinarum highlights that this economic hesitation is not limited to women. Men, too, are increasingly expressing the desire to be childfree due to the traditional expectation that the male head of the household must be the sole provider. The pressure to ensure a "perfect" life for a child in a competitive global economy can lead to a fear of inadequacy, prompting men to opt out of fatherhood altogether to avoid the risk of financial failure.
Preparedness and the Distinction Between Marriage and Procreation
A significant shift in the modern marital landscape is the decoupling of marriage from the immediate goal of procreation. Tristinarum observes that some couples choose to marry for companionship and legal security while consciously deciding not to have children because they do not feel emotionally or mentally prepared for the rigors of parenting.
In some cases, this is a proactive choice to avoid the pitfalls of "accidental" or "unwanted" pregnancies that could lead to a life of resentment. Some individuals are honest about their lack of "parental instinct" and choose to focus on their relationship with their spouse instead. This honesty is a departure from historical norms where couples felt obligated to have children regardless of their internal readiness. By choosing to be childfree, these couples argue that they are being more responsible than those who have children simply because of social pressure, only to neglect them later.
Debunking the Aesthetic and Biological Myths of Youthfulness
A controversial aspect of the childfree debate involves the claim that not having children contributes to a more youthful appearance and better physical health, particularly for women. This narrative gained significant traction on social media, leading to a public outcry and a counter-discourse from medical professionals and psychologists.
Tristinarum addresses this by clarifying that "youthfulness" (awet muda) is a multi-factorial biological result rather than a direct consequence of being childfree. While the physical toll of pregnancy, childbirth, and the sleep deprivation associated with early childhood can certainly impact one’s appearance, Lia emphasizes that genetics, hormonal balance, and overall lifestyle choices (such as diet, exercise, and stress management) are the primary drivers of aging.
"It is incorrect to claim that the sole cause of staying young is being childfree," Lia asserts. She notes that many parents remain vibrant and healthy through disciplined self-care, while childfree individuals may age prematurely due to stress or poor health habits. The promotion of "childfree for beauty" is viewed by many experts as a superficial interpretation of a much deeper and more serious life decision.
The Phenomenon of "Following the Trend"
The power of social media cannot be overlooked in the spread of the childfree ideology. Tristinarum admits that for some, the decision may be influenced by a desire to conform to a new, "edgy" or "modern" social trend. In an age of digital echo chambers, individuals who already harbor slight hesitations about parenthood may find their views amplified by online communities, leading them to adopt the "childfree" label as part of their identity.
However, Lia suggests that even those who seem to be "following a trend" often have underlying values or past experiences that align with the movement. The trend acts as a catalyst, providing a vocabulary and a community for feelings that were previously suppressed or stigmatized.
Societal Implications and the Future of the Indonesian Demography
The rise of the childfree movement carries significant implications for Indonesia’s long-term demographic profile. Currently, Indonesia is striving to reach its "Golden Indonesia 2045" vision, which relies on a productive age population to drive economic growth. A widespread shift toward childfree lifestyles could potentially lead to a declining birth rate, similar to the demographic crises currently faced by East Asian nations like Japan and South Korea.
While the current birth rate in Indonesia remains above the replacement level in many regions, urban centers are seeing a notable decline. Analysts suggest that if the childfree trend continues to grow among the educated workforce, the government may eventually need to introduce incentives for child-rearing or adjust social security models to account for an aging population with fewer young workers to support it.
Conclusion: A Call for Understanding and Psychological Support
The analysis provided by Nuzulia Rahma Tristinarum underscores that the choice to be childfree is a multifaceted issue that touches upon the deepest parts of human experience. Whether driven by the scars of the past, the pressures of the present, or a vision for a different kind of future, the decision reflects a significant change in how Indonesians view their roles in society.
For psychologists and counselors, the focus remains on ensuring that whatever choice an individual makes—whether to have children or to remain childfree—is made from a place of mental health and clarity rather than out of fear or unresolved trauma. As the dialogue continues, the emphasis is shifting toward a more empathetic understanding of the diverse paths individuals take in their pursuit of a fulfilling life. The "childfree" decision, once a taboo subject, has now become a vital part of the national conversation on family, economy, and the evolving definition of happiness in the 21st century.
