Hadi Wijaya
The discourse surrounding the childfree lifestyle has reached a fever pitch in Indonesia, fueled by polarizing statements from social media influencers and met with staunch rebuttals from various community leaders. Among the most prominent voices challenging the notion that children are a hindrance to personal and professional success is Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru, popularly known as Coach Wulan. A seasoned business coach and active member of several high-profile organizations, Coach Wulan has emerged as a counter-narrative to the "childfree" trend, drawing from her personal experience as a mother of ten children while maintaining a high-functioning career and social life.
The controversy was reignited following comments made by Germany-based Indonesian influencer Gita Savitri Devi, known as Gitasav, who suggested that not having children is a "natural anti-aging" remedy and that children represent a significant burden on one’s time, finances, and mental health. This perspective, which gained significant traction among certain segments of the millennial and Gen Z populations, has sparked a nationwide debate regarding the role of women, the definition of happiness, and the socio-economic implications of declining birth rates in Southeast Asia’s largest economy.
A Living Counter-Narrative: The Life of Coach Wulan
At 48 years old, Coach Wulan represents a demographic that many proponents of the childfree lifestyle view as an impossibility: a woman who has successfully integrated a massive family structure with a rigorous professional life. Speaking in Yogyakarta, Coach Wulan revealed that her youngest child is only one year old, while her eldest is 18. Despite the logistical challenges of raising ten children, she remains a powerhouse in the business coaching industry and continues to hold leadership positions in various organizations.
"I have 10 children, and I am still active in business, organizations, and various activities. I do not have a domestic helper," Coach Wulan stated, emphasizing that her lifestyle is a matter of choice and disciplined management rather than a sacrifice of her personal development. Her involvement in the Association of Indonesian Muslim Intellectuals (ICMI), the Indonesian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (Kadin), and the Islamic Economic Society (MES) of the Special Region of Yogyakarta (DIY) serves as empirical evidence that motherhood does not inherently limit a woman’s intellectual or professional capacity.
Coach Wulan’s stance is rooted in the belief that children are not obstacles but rather catalysts for growth. She argues that the presence of children provides a unique form of emotional and spiritual fulfillment—what she describes as "heart-coolers" (penyejuk hati)—that sustains her through the pressures of her career. Her perspective challenges the modern "scarcity mindset" that views time and resources as a zero-sum game between parenting and self-actualization.
The Theological and Economic Dimension of "Rizq"
A central pillar of the debate involves the financial implications of raising a large family. In modern economic discourse, the "cost of raising a child" is often cited as a primary reason for the childfree movement. However, Coach Wulan invokes the Islamic concept of rizq (divine provision), suggesting that the fear of financial ruin due to children is a misconception.
"For me, having many children means many blessings, much happiness, and many people praying for you," she explained. According to her view, which aligns with traditional Indonesian and Islamic values, every soul born into the world has its own guaranteed path of provision from the Creator. This theological framework shifts the focus from a purely mathematical assessment of household expenses to a broader understanding of holistic well-being.
This sentiment echoes a long-standing cultural adage in Indonesia: "Banyak anak, banyak rezeki" (Many children, many fortunes). While critics argue this phrase is outdated in an era of high inflation and competitive education costs, Coach Wulan maintains that the "fortune" mentioned is not merely monetary. It includes social capital, emotional support, and the spiritual rewards that come with the struggle of parenting.
The Social Context: The Gitasav Controversy and the Rise of Childfree Sentiment
The backdrop to Coach Wulan’s remarks is a significant shift in the Indonesian digital landscape. Gita Savitri’s comments in early 2023 were not the first time she had advocated for a childfree life, but her assertion that children cause stress and premature aging touched a nerve in a society that remains largely pro-natalist.
The backlash against Gitasav was multifaceted. On one hand, many young Indonesians defended her right to choose her lifestyle, citing the "sandwich generation" phenomenon—where young adults are burdened with supporting both their parents and their own children—as a reason to opt out of parenthood. On the other hand, traditionalists and religious leaders viewed her comments as an attack on the sanctity of the family unit.
Data from the Indonesian Central Bureau of Statistics (BPS) indicates a gradual decline in the Total Fertility Rate (TFR) over the past several decades. In the 1970s, the TFR was over 5.0; by 2022, it had dropped to approximately 2.1. While this is considered the "replacement level," the trend toward smaller families or no children at all is becoming more pronounced in urban centers like Jakarta, Surabaya, and Yogyakarta. Coach Wulan’s intervention is seen by many as a necessary defense of traditional family structures in the face of shifting demographic trends.
The Status of Women in Islamic Perspectives
Addressing the feminist arguments often associated with the childfree movement, Coach Wulan emphasized that Islam accords the highest honor to mothers. She cited the well-known Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad, which instructs followers to honor their mothers three times before their fathers.
"Why is ‘your mother’ mentioned three times? Because the Prophet truly understood that being a mother is a journey of immense struggle," Coach Wulan explained. She detailed the physical and mental toll of pregnancy, the life-threatening nature of childbirth—which is likened to jihad or a holy struggle in Islamic tradition—and the demands of breastfeeding. By framing these challenges as a path to spiritual nobility rather than a "burden," she attempts to reclaim the narrative of female empowerment from a perspective of religious duty and biological fulfillment.
She argued that the "negative campaigns" regarding motherhood often fail to account for the intrinsic value and social status granted to mothers in many Eastern and Islamic cultures. From her perspective, the modern push for childfree living can sometimes overlook the deep-seated respect and community support that mothers receive in these societies.
Navigating Influencer Culture and Millennial Decision-Making
A significant portion of Coach Wulan’s message was directed toward the younger generation, particularly millennials and Gen Z, who are heavily influenced by social media narratives. She warned against the "raw" consumption of influencer opinions, which are often based on individual circumstances rather than universal truths or deep-seated values.
"I remind the millennial generation to be wiser in following the opinions of influencers and not to accept their views at face value," she said. She explained that values—what is considered good or bad—are typically derived from four primary sources: family, religion, environment, and the media. In the digital age, the media (including social media) has begun to overshadow the other three sources, leading to a potential disconnect from traditional moral frameworks.
Coach Wulan advocated for a return to the Quran and Hadith as the ultimate "compass" for navigating life’s choices. She argued that if young people align their life goals with spiritual obedience and the pursuit of the afterlife (akhirat), their worldly affairs—including career and family—will naturally find a harmonious balance.
The Role of the Family in Shielding Against External Influence
To counter the influence of external ideologies that may deviate from religious and traditional norms, Coach Wulan stressed the importance of the family unit as the primary educator. She believes that the responsibility of instilling values lies squarely with parents.
"If young people’s obsessions are directed toward the afterlife and their value is obedience, then if the source is the Quran and Hadith, God willing, their path will be smooth," she noted. This proactive approach to parenting suggests that the "clash of values" currently seen on social media can be mitigated through stronger domestic foundations.
She further encouraged women not to limit themselves. In her view, being a wife and a mother is not a "ceiling" that prevents a woman from increasing her value or pursuing her education. On the contrary, she believes the skills acquired through managing a large household—such as leadership, time management, and emotional intelligence—are directly transferable to the business world.
Analysis of Implications: Demographic and Social Stability
The debate between the childfree movement and advocates of large families like Coach Wulan has broader implications for Indonesia’s future. From a demographic standpoint, many developed nations in East Asia and Europe are currently facing "demographic collapses" due to birth rates falling far below replacement levels. Countries like South Korea and Japan are struggling with aging populations and shrinking workforces, leading to economic stagnation.
In Indonesia, the "demographic bonus"—a period where the working-age population outnumbers the dependents—is a key driver of the country’s goal to become a top-five global economy by 2045. A widespread shift toward childfree living could potentially shorten this window of opportunity, leading to long-term economic challenges.
Furthermore, the social fabric of Indonesia is deeply intertwined with the concept of the extended family. The family unit serves as a private social safety net in a country where state-sponsored social security is still developing. Critics of the childfree movement argue that a society of individuals without children may face a loneliness epidemic and a lack of care for the elderly in the decades to come.
Conclusion
Coach Wulan’s rebuttal to the childfree narrative serves as a high-profile example of the ongoing cultural tug-of-war in Indonesia. By presenting herself as a woman who "has it all"—a career, a business, and a family of ten—she challenges the fundamental premise that children are a barrier to female success.
While the "childfree" debate is often framed as a matter of individual rights and bodily autonomy, voices like Coach Wulan’s shift the focus toward communal responsibility, spiritual fulfillment, and the long-term sustainability of the family structure. As Indonesia continues to modernize, the tension between global social trends and local religious values is likely to remain a defining feature of its national discourse. For now, Coach Wulan remains a steadfast advocate for the idea that a life filled with children is not a life of limitation, but one of boundless potential and divine blessing.
