Hadi Wijaya
YOGYAKARTA — The discourse surrounding the "childfree" lifestyle, which gained significant traction in Indonesia following controversial statements by social media influencer and YouTuber Gita Savitri Devi, continues to draw sharp criticism from various sectors of society. Among the most prominent voices offering a counter-narrative is Rr. Sarwi Peni Wulandaru, a professional business coach popularly known as Coach Wulan. Based in Yogyakarta, Coach Wulan has emerged as a living testament against the notion that children are a physical or financial burden, leveraging her personal experience as a mother of ten children to advocate for a balance between traditional family values and modern career aspirations.
At 48 years old, Coach Wulan’s lifestyle stands in stark contrast to the sentiments expressed by childfree proponents who suggest that child-rearing accelerates aging or limits personal freedom. With her eldest child aged 18 and her youngest just one year old, Wulan manages a household of ten children without the assistance of domestic helpers, all while maintaining a high-profile career in business coaching and active participation in several national organizations. Speaking in Yogyakarta, she emphasized that the presence of children does not inherently restrict a woman’s capacity for intellectual growth, professional development, or social contribution.
The Catalyst: The Gitasav Controversy and the Childfree Debate
The debate reached a fever pitch in early 2023 when Gita Savitri Devi, an Indonesian influencer residing in Germany, suggested on social media that not having children is a "natural anti-aging" remedy. She argued that the absence of the stress associated with parenting allows for better sleep and fewer wrinkles, eventually labeling children as a "burden" in certain contexts. This sparked an immediate backlash in Indonesia, a country where communal and family-oriented values remain deeply rooted in the social fabric.
The controversy highlighted a growing ideological rift between a segment of the Millennial and Gen Z population—who are increasingly influenced by Western individualistic perspectives on reproductive rights—and the traditionalist-religious majority. For many in Indonesia, the "childfree" movement is viewed not merely as a personal choice but as a challenge to the demographic and spiritual philosophy that children are a "rezeki" or a divine blessing.
Coach Wulan’s intervention into this debate serves as a practical rebuttal. By showcasing her ability to navigate the complexities of a large family alongside leadership roles in the Association of Indonesian Muslim Intellectuals (ICMI), the Indonesian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (Kadin), and the Sharia Economic Society (MES) of the Special Region of Yogyakarta (DIY), she argues that the "burden" narrative is a matter of perspective rather than an absolute reality.
A Life of Balance: Managing Ten Children and a Career
Coach Wulan’s daily reality challenges the logistical assumptions of modern parenting. Her decision to forgo domestic help while raising ten children is a deliberate choice intended to foster a specific family dynamic. "I have 10 children, and I am still active in business, organizations, and various activities. I do not have a helper," she stated. This revelation is particularly striking in the Indonesian middle-class context, where domestic assistance is often considered a necessity for even small families.
From a management perspective, Wulan applies the same principles to her household that she teaches in her business coaching sessions. She views the family unit as a primary site for character building and organizational management. According to her, the presence of many children serves as a "soother of the heart" rather than a source of insurmountable stress. She upholds the traditional adage "banyak anak, banyak rejeki" (many children, much fortune), interpreting it not just as a financial promise but as a wealth of happiness and spiritual support.
Socio-Economic Context: The Myth of the Financial Burden
A central pillar of the childfree argument is the rising cost of living and the financial strain of providing quality education and healthcare for children. However, Coach Wulan points to a theological assurance found in Islamic teachings, which posits that every soul born into the world has its provision (rezeki) guaranteed by God.
This spiritual outlook is supported by a broader analysis of the "care economy" and human capital. While critics of large families focus on the immediate consumption costs, proponents like Wulan view children as future assets for the nation and the family. In the context of Indonesia’s "Golden Indonesia 2045" vision, the government emphasizes the importance of the demographic dividend—a period where the productive-age population outnumbers the non-productive population.
Data from the Central Bureau of Statistics (BPS) indicates that while Indonesia’s Total Fertility Rate (TFR) has seen a gradual decline—from 5.6 in the 1970s to approximately 2.1 in recent years—the cultural emphasis on family remains high. The shift toward smaller families is often driven by economic pressures, yet Wulan argues that these pressures can be mitigated through disciplined management and faith, rather than by opting out of parenthood altogether.
Religious Perspectives on Motherhood and Feminism
Coach Wulan also addressed the intersection of the childfree movement and feminism. She noted that some "negative campaigns" under the guise of feminism tend to portray motherhood as a form of domestic or biological subjugation. In contrast, she highlighted the exalted status of mothers in Islam, citing the well-known Hadith where the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasized that a mother deserves three times more honor and respect than a father.
"Why is ‘your mother’ mentioned three times? Because the Prophet truly understood that being a mother is a struggle," Wulan explained. She detailed the physical and mental toll of pregnancy, the life-threatening risks of childbirth—which in Islamic tradition is equated to jihad—and the long-term commitment of breastfeeding and nurturing. By framing motherhood as a heroic and spiritually significant act, Wulan seeks to reclaim the narrative of women’s empowerment from secular interpretations that might view biological roles as restrictive.
She further argued that being a wife and mother does not diminish a woman’s value but rather adds layers to her identity. In her view, the modern woman should not feel forced to choose between her professional aspirations and her maternal instincts. Instead, the focus should be on "increasing one’s value" through continuous learning and social contribution.
Media Literacy and the Influence of Digital Narratives
One of the most critical aspects of Coach Wulan’s message is a call for greater media literacy among the younger generation. As influencers like Gitasav hold significant sway over Millennial and Gen Z audiences, Wulan warned against the uncritical adoption of foreign ideologies that may not align with local cultural or religious values.
She explained that values regarding what is "good" or "bad" are typically shaped by family, religion, environment, and the media. In an era of digital globalization, the media often plays a disproportionate role in shaping these perceptions. Wulan urged young Indonesians to return to the Quran and Hadith as their primary benchmarks for living.
"If the obsession of young people is directed toward the hereafter (akhirat) and their value is obedience (taat), then if the source is the Quran and Hadith, God willing, the path will be smooth," she said. This perspective suggests that the anxiety surrounding parenthood is often a byproduct of a materialistic worldview that prioritizes immediate personal comfort over long-term spiritual and communal goals.
Strategic Implications: Family as the Foundation of the State
The debate over the childfree lifestyle carries significant implications for Indonesia’s national trajectory. From a sociological standpoint, the family is the smallest and most vital unit of the state. A widespread shift toward childfree lifestyles could potentially lead to a demographic crisis similar to those faced by Japan, South Korea, and several European nations, where aging populations and shrinking workforces are straining social security systems and economic growth.
Coach Wulan’s advocacy for large, well-managed families aligns with the national interest of maintaining a vibrant and productive population. Her involvement in organizations like Kadin and MES DIY suggests that she views the family not just as a private matter, but as a pillar of economic and social stability. By demonstrating that a mother of ten can be a leader in the Sharia economy and a business mentor, she provides a model for "productive motherhood" that challenges both traditional limitations and modern rejections of family life.
Conclusion: A Call for Wise Discernment
As the "childfree" discourse continues to evolve in the digital space, the response from figures like Coach Wulan provides a necessary balance to the conversation. Her life serves as a case study in resilience, time management, and spiritual conviction. By refuting the idea that children are a barrier to success, she encourages a more nuanced understanding of women’s roles in the 21st century.
The message for the millennial generation is clear: while personal choices are a hallmark of modern life, these choices should be informed by a deep understanding of one’s heritage, faith, and the long-term impact on society. Coach Wulan’s parting advice to women is to never stop learning and never limit themselves, proving that the "weight" of ten children can, in fact, be the very foundation upon which a multifaceted and successful life is built. In the clash between the childfree narrative and the "many children, many blessings" philosophy, Wulan’s life suggests that the latter remains a viable and fulfilling path for the modern Indonesian woman.
