Eko Sulistyo
The transition into motherhood is traditionally viewed as a period of profound personal joy and adjustment, yet for Indonesian model and socialite Alyssa Daguise, this milestone has been unexpectedly shadowed by a polarizing digital discourse. Following the birth of her first child with husband Al Ghazali, Daguise found herself at the center of a heated social media debate concerning the "sanctification" of natural childbirth. The controversy, which erupted on the social media platform Threads, has highlighted a growing tension in Indonesian digital culture: the fine line between sharing personal milestones and what critics label as "pick me" behavior—a term used to describe individuals who seek validation by suggesting they are superior to their peers.
The debate was ignited by a series of viral posts on Threads, where several users expressed frustration over a perceived trend of mothers who undergo vaginal delivery (persalinan pervaginam) and subsequently frame the experience as a superior achievement. One particular post, which garnered significant engagement, criticized these mothers for being "pick me" figures. The user argued that while childbirth is undeniably a struggle, the specific method of delivery should not be used as a metric for maternal success or "prestige." This sentiment resonated with a segment of the public that feels the pressure to conform to traditional delivery standards is outdated and harmful to those who require medical interventions such as Cesarean sections (C-sections).
The Genesis of the Social Media Discourse
The friction began on May 15, 2026, when a user on the Threads platform posted a blunt critique of the current culture surrounding maternal sharing. The post stated, "In these threads, there are so many ‘pick me’ mothers just because they had a vaginal delivery." The user went on to suggest that such experiences are not unique achievements but rather biological processes that do not warrant excessive public pride. "It’s not an achievement, you know. Why can’t it just be treated as something normal?" the post added.
This perspective quickly branched into a wider conversation about "mom-shaming" and the psychological pressures faced by new parents. While the original poster eventually clarified that the ultimate goal of any delivery is a healthy mother and a healthy baby, the initial labeling of natural-birth advocates as "pick me" individuals struck a chord with Alyssa Daguise. As a high-profile figure who has recently shared her own journey into motherhood, Daguise felt compelled to respond to what she perceived as a dismissive attitude toward a woman’s right to feel proud of her physical and emotional endurance.
Alyssa Daguise’s Rebuttal: Defending Maternal Pride
Daguise, who has long been a subject of public fascination due to her high-profile relationship and marriage to Al Ghazali—the eldest son of Indonesian music legends Ahmad Dhani and Maia Estianty—used her platform to challenge the labels being thrown at new mothers. Her response was characterized by a mix of confusion and assertiveness, questioning why the Indonesian digital landscape is so quick to pathologize self-confidence.
"Are we really not allowed to be proud of ourselves? Why is it that in Indonesia, everything is immediately labeled as ‘pick me’?" Daguise wrote in a statement that was widely circulated across various social media platforms. She emphasized that every woman’s journey through pregnancy and labor is unique, fraught with its own set of challenges, fears, and triumphs. By labeling a mother’s pride as a bid for attention, Daguise argued that society is effectively silencing women during one of the most vulnerable and significant moments of their lives.
Daguise further elaborated that the method of delivery—whether vaginal or via C-section—requires immense sacrifice. "Every mother has a different journey and experience with childbirth," she noted. Her core argument was rooted in the concept of bodily autonomy and emotional validation: if a woman feels she has conquered a major personal hurdle, she should be permitted to celebrate that victory without being subjected to cynical social labels.
The "Pick Me" Phenomenon and Mom-Shaming in Indonesia
To understand the weight of this controversy, it is essential to analyze the term "pick me" and its evolution in Indonesian social media. Originally an English slang term, "pick me girl" refers to a woman who claims or acts as if she is "not like other girls" to gain favor from men or to feel superior to other women. In the context of the childbirth debate, the term has been weaponized to suggest that mothers who talk about their natural births are doing so to belittle those who had C-sections.
This incident is a symptom of a broader issue known as "mom-shaming," which has become increasingly prevalent in the digital age. In Indonesia, cultural expectations often place a high premium on "natural" processes. For decades, there has been a lingering stigma associated with C-sections, with some traditional views suggesting that a woman has not "fully" experienced motherhood if she has not undergone labor. Conversely, as modern medical practices become more common, a counter-reaction has emerged where those who opt for or require medical interventions feel the need to defend their choices, sometimes leading to friction with those who advocate for natural births.
The tension is exacerbated by the "perfection culture" of Instagram and Threads, where curated images of motherhood often omit the messy, painful, and traumatic realities of the process. When a celebrity like Daguise shares her experience, it becomes a lightning rod for these pre-existing cultural anxieties.
Medical and Psychological Context of Childbirth Methods
From a medical standpoint, the debate over which delivery method is "better" is largely considered moot by healthcare professionals, as the priority is always the safety of the mother and child. According to data from the World Health Organization (WHO), C-section rates have been rising globally, including in Indonesia. While the WHO suggests an ideal C-section rate of 10-15% for a population, many urban centers in Indonesia see much higher rates due to medical necessity, convenience, or maternal request.
Psychologically, the "achievement" of childbirth is subjective. For some, the endurance of a long, unmedicated labor is a source of empowerment. For others, the recovery from major abdominal surgery (a C-section) while caring for a newborn is an equally heroic feat. Experts in maternal mental health warn that the type of social media bickering seen in the Daguise case can contribute to postpartum depression and "baby blues." When new mothers feel judged for their delivery method, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or "failure," regardless of whether the outcome was a healthy baby.
The Role of Public Figures in Shaping Social Discourse
The involvement of Alyssa Daguise and, by extension, the family of Al Ghazali, adds a layer of celebrity influence to the conversation. Since their marriage, Al Ghazali and Alyssa have been viewed as a "power couple" in the Indonesian entertainment industry. Their transition into parenthood has been closely watched by millions of followers.
By speaking out, Daguise has shifted the narrative from a simple debate about birth methods to a broader discussion about female solidarity. Her call to "let her be" regarding a mother’s pride serves as a plea for a more empathetic digital environment. It highlights the need for a "live and let live" philosophy in the parenting community, where the focus remains on the well-being of the family unit rather than the specificities of the delivery room.
Broader Implications for Indonesian Social Media Culture
This controversy reflects a maturing, albeit volatile, Indonesian internet culture. As platforms like Threads become more popular for long-form text discussions, the nuances of social issues are being dissected more frequently. However, the speed at which "cancel culture" or derogatory labeling occurs remains a concern for social observers.
The "pick me" accusation against Daguise and other mothers suggests a hyper-sensitivity to perceived arrogance. In an effort to promote equality among mothers, some netizens have inadvertently created a new form of policing—where any expression of personal pride is scrutinized for signs of elitism. This creates a paradox where mothers are encouraged to be "real" and "authentic," yet are punished if their authentic feelings include a sense of pride that others might not share.
Conclusion: Toward a More Inclusive Dialogue
The response from Alyssa Daguise serves as a reminder that behind every social media post is a human being navigating a significant life transition. As the dust settles on this particular online skirmish, the takeaway for many is the importance of nuanced communication. While it is valid to advocate for the destigmatization of C-sections, doing so by labeling natural-birth mothers as "pick me" only serves to further divide a community that thrives on support.
The journey of Alyssa Daguise and Al Ghazali as new parents will likely continue to be a subject of public interest. However, this incident may mark a turning point in how Indonesian netizens engage with maternal content. It highlights a desperate need for a digital space where all forms of struggle and success in motherhood are validated, ensuring that the "happiness of the mother," as mentioned in the original Threads post, is not undermined by the very community meant to provide her with a voice. In the end, the "achievement" of motherhood is found not in the method of entry into the world, but in the lifelong commitment to the child that follows—a sentiment that both sides of the debate, and Alyssa Daguise herself, can ultimately agree upon.
